If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
