did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize