when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
