Dual....:-)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
