so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im six kinds of drunk right now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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