Tell her she can't have a vagina
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize