I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to align my fucking chakras
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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