You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
