Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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