so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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