Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
