im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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