is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
