dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Found your dick twin last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize