I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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