What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
