Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
