i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
