I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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