Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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