if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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