Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
MIDGETS
????
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
