Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
