Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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