Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
