That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
