so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
