Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
