She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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