This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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