Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
