I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
