he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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