if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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