there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize