You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
