It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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