so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
