a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Randomize
