No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
