My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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