Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
