eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
