I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
