Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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