as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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