so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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