Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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