Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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