I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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