I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
