I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
