fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
