I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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