Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
