somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
