dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
only if we run a train.
done.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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