I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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