Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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