I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did I show you my penis last night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
