Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
