it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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