Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
