I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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