My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
