Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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