she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
