I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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