the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Small penises have feelings too.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
