I faked an abortion last night.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
