Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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