You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Houston, we have a blender
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
