JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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