I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
