i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
