I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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