My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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