xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
