then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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