Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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