hell yes lets make some ravioli
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
