She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
