i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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