ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
