i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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