connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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