He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize