she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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