K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize