Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
