i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
