I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
