consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
