Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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