me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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