was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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