I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize