How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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