Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
