Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
