I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
