Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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