Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
