so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
