at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wear drunk well.
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