So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
